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Single Girl Thoughts on Dating Etiquette.


Who fancies a bit of dating chat from somebody who can't remember the last date they went on?! Because that's something I feel like discussing today.

So a bit of background, I am single, very single, it might be a yearly occurrence thT I steal a kiss from someone in a night club and if I do that's groundbreaking news in my life as a 25-year-old, so much so that I need to text my closest friends to let them know all about it. Yup. When I say single, I mean single, no dating anyone, not texting anyone, not even snapchatting anyone, and most certainly not sleeping with anyone.

Now, this is not entirely by choice, I'm not unhappy, but at the same time, nobody wants to be alone. I could also probably be more proactive about finding someone - but it's a lot less romantic dating someone that you hunted down.

My last relationship was a serious 3-year one which I expected to last forever, but it didn't and I ended it because something in my gut felt wrong. I'd fallen from love and stayed from habit. But it ended on good term, there was as little drama as you can get waving goodbye to three pretty happy years, and I stayed friends with my ex-boyfriend, because I still liked him as a person, and I wasn't going to just forget that. That was in 2014.

I came out of the relationship not looking for a new one, but open to finding one. Let's just say, I kept the door open and my legs closed. But nobody used the door.

And now, here we are. 2017.


Now, I am clearly not a dating expert, as I would assume that requires actually dating. But there are two pieces of dating/meeting people wisdom, I like to settle with - Firstly, if you have not read He's Just Not That Into You (v old full book review here), you need to. Stop making excuse for people to feel better about yourself, if someone is into you, you will sure as hell knows about. Secondly, don't play games, it's confusing and frustrating.

Recently, I decide I want to be a bit braver, and dip my toes into the dating sea. I very anti-dating apps, I just don't enjoy them, but I'm trying to be more open to meeting people, which is all good and well until I noticed some confliction in my two pieces only two pieces of 'wisdom' I have on the subject.

I definitely do not think, I should wait three days after I see a guy who's on my radar to text him, it's stupid and I cannot be assed, plus that's a game, I'm not playing. But surely if he were interested he'd be texting me anyway? Because that's what you do when you like someone unless you're playing games, and as much as I don't want to play games, I don't want to date someone who does.

How low on your sleeve should you wear your heart? Sure, show you're interested. That way everyone knows where they stand, plus it's fun to be interested in someone.  However there nothing worse than making tonnes of effort with someone who makes a minimal effort back. Nobody wants to be, or date that girl. So you've got to hold back, slightly, because you can't be too keen - but now you've stepped straight back into the game playing danger zone.

I tend to be pretty open about my feelings, and I think that it is more than acceptable for the girl to do the date asking, but at the same time, I want to date someone who likes me enough to ask me themselves.

And there's the whole humiliation v you'll never know unless you ask struggle. I'll sleep better if I ask someone whatever it is I'm holding back on because I feel like now I know, I can I move on, or take whatever my next step is. But the majority of the time my gut will tell me the answer, and so does the person, just without saying the words, sometimes in the silence. So is that piece of mind worth putting yourself out there, when they answer is in the air, do you want confirmation, that no, the boy you could possibly fancy one if he gives you the chance, won't give you the chance to fancy him.

People are just people, we should be able to speak to them like people, but sometimes we already know that answers so that doesn't matter regardless. But since when did having a crush on someone mean putting them so high on a pedestal that you can't have a normal adult conversation with them? And who the wants to date someone you've already decided is out of your league and you cannot talk to?

Also, men tend to assume if a girl show interest in them, she is, of course crazy - which is the most backwards thing I've ever heard. They are simply insulting themselves. The literally are saying someone must be losing their marble to like them. Girls get called obsessive, but I'm just going to say, as human, we obsess over things, and people naturally, if we like someone we think about them because we like them. I understand no one wants to feel like a museum exhibition, but we do get a bit giddy when we're feeling the start of romantic feelings. There is literally science to it. And why is it so offensive that somebody might want to invest there thoughts/time/emotions into you? No one wants to be branded the crazy girl - yet, it seems to me, the crazy girl isn't actually the one playing games. She crazy because you know damn right how she's feeling. And yes that can be intimidation, but at least you know where you stand.

In conclusion, the whole idea of attempting to date is bloody confusing, and I have no idea how to do
it.

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