February in Poetry.

My Auntie and Uncle - a photograph I took which is completely unrelated to all of the poetry below, I just liked the image...
01/02
I want to write 
But I can't 
The rhythms don't ring right 
And there's a sort of emptiness to my vocabulary 

As I listen to the letter which falls from the flicks of your tongue so naturally 
And pray to god, someday that will be the case for me.  

But the arrangement of my word is off 
And heartfelt feelings come across like 
I couldn't really give a toss 
 But I'll write in messy scrolls 
Tiredly type away 
Because I still there are things I need to say 

My mind is filled with 3 am words
Which stop my sleeping slumber
Until I take I dissect, pick apart, observe and connect them 
My pillow is pointless and my head wildly restless.

_____

04/02
For once in my life 
I'm relieved you 
Didn't reply

I despise my sleepy fingers 
For letting dreaminess demolish my guard and
Following a desire 
to ask how are you 

When really ignorance is bliss 
When I feel there is a star-studded intention in this distant 
And I no long feel a pressing urge to 
Kiss
Each and every inch
Of that body which I no longer
miss.

So why sleep fueled sensations 
Drive me to enquire on your emotions 
When I really couldn't give 
A shit
Is some sort of unsolved mystery.
But I hope to you don't see it as complimentary 

Your head is big enough already. 

____

06/02
Maybe they're right 
Maybe I've got a few loose nuts
They don't warn of the side effect 
of caring too much 

Is it really so tragic if I want to know you're okay 
And I think you're confused
But if I don't want to, I'd beg you not to stay. 

Does it really make me a psychopath to text too many times? 
I didn't realise rules really applied 
In my eyes, if I think through every action and question whether I'm flirting with your attraction
Then I should be accused  
Of masking truths
But wanting a chat,
What is the harm in that? 

But honestly what does a text say about my mental state of being 
And how don't you find yourself insulted
That you believe my only reason. Logically excuse, 
For wanting to talk to you
Is losing my marbles. 

You seem to be rolling across the ground
lost, and not found.

____

08/02

It was an act of desperation 
and, yes
I didn't take your feelings into consideration.
Kettle, pot. 
But when you distance yourself in the far fetch allotted slot
How do you expect me to feel empathy?
And when I tried so hard, sent you cards
My existence was still something you disregard
Guess because you fell
Apart 

And I did too. 
And the things we did won't be fixed with super glue 
And I should stop trying 
And should have shut my lips before lying 
But they're not denying
You were gonna be pissed no matter what 
And you were unapproachable 
Did I tell you 
He asked me on a date
Not as sleezy as you imagine,
eh? 

And saying yes is taking advantage of his depression? 
And his bedroom was an alternative
Because God heaven forbid 
We went for a drink in the pub, 
When before anything happened, 
you decided 
enough was enough.

We might have had sex
But it wasn't a sex thing
More like a broken hearted, twisted minded
What the fuck is next thing. 
It felt a lot more incredibly complex 
than what you expect. 

And I shouldn't have written that poem
 But I'm can't escape the words, 
so I'm writing another. 
I might have fucked up, 
But you forgave me 
after my sorry
four years ago 

Now you decided to relive the past
because
you're pissed your relationship didn't last. 

Sorry I hurt you. 
But you weren't there. 
And reacted
 The way we expected 
Yet wonder why secrets were necessary 
I wish I held it tight to my chest a lifetime longer
Because neither of our bodies are yours,
 remember 

And there was really no point is fake forgiveness, 
And really is my sex life any of your business? 

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