No Shame

I remember, when I was younger, when one of my friends used to come over to play, I'd have to be sure to prepare beforehand. By prepare I mean take down and thoroughly hide my Mary-Kate and Ashley posters. Why? Because I was ashamed of something I liked, and I was petrified that she would find them and think that I was uncool. Looking back now, it's ridiculous that I was so afraid of my friend judging me for something of such little importance, especially as this is some I'm still friends with today.

There have been so many times I have heard alien things come from my mouth because I have wanted to badly to fit in that I felt the need to alter who I am. I have found myself saying things such as "I really love this band" Despite having never heard of them and "I'm not really sure why those books are in my room, I think they're my mums", or wearing outfits that I thought we're on trend, despite how unlike myself I felt in them and just not really liking how they looked.

Yeah, I've tried many times to be someone I am not, and I have also told a lot of bad lies, which were really unnecessary, however, as there were parts of bit of my life and snippets of my personality which I felt didn't fit other peoples, rather than accepting I'm not supposed to be like my friends, I denied a lot of my little loves, and faked a few for good measure.

Yes I know, I am completely ridiculous, it's is completely ridiculous, and it's perfectly acceptable to remain true to myself is definitely something I have learnt over time.

So with all that rambling over, I wanted to share some of the things I like, dislike and used to feel ashamed by, which I may previously have told white lies about to my nearest and dearest.

  1. I love poetry, I have an undying love for words which work together, and quotes which evoke emotion. I often spend my free time reading and writing (bad) poetry.
  2. I'm not very good with music. No one ever seems to get this. I like music and I appreciate it, but in general I'm not all that fused on it, I'll listen to any genre of music, and I don't really wanna have a chat about it because I don't feel particularly strongly about it. I never know songs, and definitely, don't want to be in control of the playlist for the evening.
  3. I like to spend time alone. So many times I've made myself making up excuses to not see friends, not because I don't appreciate they want to spend time with me, but I feel like time alone does my head many favours. I've very introverted and I've only just begun to understand that's okay.
  4. My youtube channel - I mean obviously that never been something I've hidden on my blog, but around people I know I felt a bit embarrassed by it, as though was a silly hobby people wouldn't get, now I'll happily talk about my youtube channel and my blog, although people still don't seem to get it, I use this as an opportunity to educated them.
  5. My sexuality, I definitely feel some attraction towards females, and that's okay.
  6. My love for Taylor Swift. I just can't help but like her - even when I constantly hear her being slated, I've loved her since her curly long hair, love story days.
  7. My lack of understanding of the Beyonce hype - I'm sorry I just don't get it.
  8. I want to work in creative industries, which also goes hand in hand with not having a traditional 9-5 job, a concept which a lot of people do not understand, which in turn has meant I've felt somewhat silly talking about my career ambitions, however, now I realise that whatever I want to do, is personal to who I am, and it really doesn't matter if other people don't 'get' it, it just gives me to drive to prove to them can do my own thing.
  9. I'd rather spend my leisure time reading, than watching TV. I'm just not all that into watching telly, which means I'm other left out of a lot of conversations because it's not something I really do. I literally don't remember the last time I turned on the TV, besides my weekly PLL fix on Netflix and Youtube Videos I don't tend to watch anything, which gets quite awkward during the CCB small talk which often come up in the staff from.
  10. My love for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen of course

Is there anything you used to feel unnecessary shame about? I feel a lot happier now I'm just doing me, even if that means occassionally feeling a little lost in chitter chatter.


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